What would happen if.... (7/5 edition)

... somebody named Bob worked at my client, the Juran Institute? Oh wait, one does. When I get an email from him, I am inevitably haunted in my head with the chorus of "Bob, Bob, Bob...Bob Bob - Juran". (Think Beach Boys, and the melody should come to you.)

Shea Hillenbrand used to play for the Red Sox, and whenever he'd hit a homer, I wanted the announcers to say "Shea ralphs one over the seats in left," because that would pay homage to Shea Ralph, who played women's hoops for UConn back around the turn of the century.

The Spanish words for "wet floor" are "piso mojado", and I often see a bilingual sign in the aisle of a supermarket where there's been a spill. The funniest thing to do here is start singing Janis Joplin -- "Take it! Take another little piso mojado, baby! You know you got it, and it makes you feel good!" (Really, I'm only 35 -- it's just that car trips with my parents subjected me to a healthy dose of music from the 1960s.)

Blog reader Jenny had an interesting post about the Shocker. This made me think of two things. One was the way my wife makes the symbol whenever the song "Shock the Monkey" comes on.

The second thought has to do with animals like birds which have a cloaca. Having a veterinarian for a wife teaches you all sorts of stuff....like how some animals have a cloaca, one all-purpose hole for both reproductive and excretory functions. This, of course, makes the Shocker an interesting undertaking....of course, those animals don't have opposable thumbs anyway.

This is prime nectarine season now, and nectarines are my favorite fruit when they're ripe and in-season and juicy. None of the dry ones that I take a flyer on in the winter -- those are awful. Anyway, about 15 years ago I was having one as a snack at work, and the pit was freestone and partially opened. So I didn't have to crack it open to see that there was a small nut inside for the seed. It looked just like an almond after you crack one of those open, so I gave it a small taste. And sure enough, it actually tasted like almond flavoring. You know, like Amaretto or "toasted almond" flavored stuff. Eating almonds themselves NEVER taste like "almond flavor." But this nectarine seed tasted just like Amaretto. I mention this to my dad, and he says that nectarine seeds are a natural source of cyanide. Yikes! (I've since read up that there is cyanide in there, but generally not at fatal levels. Nevertheless, I've never had another nectarine seed again.)

What's the probability that a pitcher will pitch well on any particular day? I mention this as a student of mathematics and probability. Let's say that 85% of the time, a pitcher will do well. Well, if you're a manager and you make 4 pitching changes, then the probability that all 5 pitchers do well would be 0.85 to the 5th power, or 44%. My point is this: The more pitchers you bring in, the more likely one of them is going to suck that day. (I think most major league pitchers should be able to get most hitters out, and leave it at that.)

If we were at war with China, would the US Government discourage fireworks, having been a Chinese INVENTION (whoops, not invasion)? Would we call firecrackers "freedom crackers" or something like that? (I just get annoyed by clowns in the neighborhood setting off stupid loud noises.) Like, too bad they weren't invented in France -- that would cut down on the racket! :)