What would happen if...(4/12 edition)

...I took too long to post my thoughts, so that I had no idea what the note I took meant? I mean, really, I've got written down on a sticky note, "MBA = Hanson!" and I have no freakin' idea what that means. Usually, I think of something funny at work, and since I don't blog from work any more with the new job, I write it down to use later. I assume it's got something to do with mmmmmbop, but I've got no idea.

I enjoy the idea when people say something like their poop smells like roses. I offer Axl Rose and Pete Rose, as two Roses I wouldn't brag over the smell of....

A good suggestion for photos is to aim the camera down a bit from above the forehead....check out your high school yearbook, the pictures of even the less hot girls can still look halfway decent. I suppose aiming the camera up just shows off the nostrils.

I want the job for making up the pronunciation of acronyms. Specifically, ones that don't have an obvious phonetic reading to them. For instance, in 2001 there was the Economic Growth and Tax Relief Reconciliation Act. EGTRRA....most people figure out that this would be called "egg-truh"...but every once in a while you'd get an "Egg-Tray" or "Erg-truh" by someone really not noticing the spelling. One of the newest acronyms in pension-land is the Qualified Automatic Contribution Agreement (where your company signs you up for your 401(k) plan without your permission). QACA. I cringed at the pronunciation of "quacka" because there's no U in the acronym. I prefer pronouncing the Q like a hard Middle-Eastern word (scrabble favorite QAT, for instance). And just having it sound like "ka-ka" (poopie reference). So that could be my job.

With my sneakers, I don't run the laces through the last pair of holes, and so the laces are pretty long. Occasionally the loops will get caught under the wheels of my work chair. That sucks! Because the wheel has a plastic castor covering it, so you can't just pull the thing out. I actually have to take off the shoe and pull the loop apart and figure out which way to pull the lace out from under there.

On my way home I saw a field of cows, and instead of mooing at them, I yelled, "Ruminants, unite!" (The revolution is a grass-roots movement, after all....)

Okay, one more that I sort of forget the specifics on. I believe what it was, is that my lips were chapped, and my wife, who was driving, had to pee. It was one of those things where both statements were announced sort of one right after the other, as we were on our way home from somewhere. I thought about how both problems could be solved at once and quickly said, "Those birds....die separately."

(ya know, like, one stone isn't gonna kill them...)

ok, the end. David has probably sent some of you guys over to read this, so I'm working feverishly to provide new material!!