What would happen if.... (6/6 edition)

....the makers of vending machines installed the "TILT" technology in pinball machines? Your candy gets stuck, so you at least *try* to rattle the machine....only for the TILT lights to go on and the machine goes dark with the exit-tray closed off or something.

Are we familiar with the term "smash-mouth football"? That's where a team never throws the ball, and simply runs up the middle, and is happy with the modest 3-4 yard gain. ("Three yards and a cloud of dust.") It's more physical to run the ball right at the other team rather than try to pass or run to the sideline, etc. Well anyways, one of my friends plays a sort of "smash-mouth golf." All his shots are about 90 yards, even off the tee. But they're straight, and he's on the green in 4, at least as well as I am, who'll spray balls much further, but in much more of a random direction. So he gets a 6 and I get an 8, despite being 125-150 yards further ahead after our tee shots.

When I was a teenager I thought it would be a genius idea to market instant coffee that already had dried cream crystals in it. I was mocked by my friend's dad. Later, this idea was explained to me as "General Foods International Coffees", which have other flavors built in with the coffee and (most likely) non-dairy creamer.

I hate that my phone has no caller ID, but that calls come directly to my desk. I have no idea who's calling, and so sometimes I'm reluctant to pick up out of fear of being "ambushed" by one of our clients' employees asking me stuff they should have posed directly to their HR people. And yet, sometimes I'll stare at the phone and eventually pick up on the 3rd or 4th ring...and I'm never lucky. If I pick up on the first ring, it'll be a legitimate client call. The longer I wait, the more likely I'm going to regret not letting it go directly to voice mail.

I'd like to see a league patent its sport. Imagine if I invented a sport and started a league. I could control labor costs, because it would be illegal for the disgruntled players to try to form their own league to play a game I invented!

I like to tell people I earn seven figures. Unfortunately, two of them are after the decimal point.

In college I was mocked for being a New Englander, where the states all use the same town names. Like Manchester, in Connecticut, Massachusetts, New Hampshire, and Vermont. I wonder how states as big as California can even FIND names for thousands of towns.

I took Spanish classes in high school and college, and I still read it pretty accurately. I enjoyed skimming Yahoo's TV listings for Spain, because I looked to find US programs being translated to Spanish, and sure enough, found "Me llamo Earl." The best part is the description of the episode, where everything is in Spanish except the character names, which remain English.

There's an open field outside my window. Last year they tried planting grass, without too much success -- just lots of weeds. This year, suddenly, the whole field last week was awash in bright yellow flowers. So it's lots of yellow spots amidst a green background. Kind of like a TV screen when you get "snow" for the reception. Except this would be.....yellow snow. (Which we're all taught to avoid)

I like the woman from the E-Surance auto insurance ads. The cartoon woman who's really athletic and seems pretty smart in escaping danger in the world. The pink hair's a bit odd. Usually women with bright pink hair are associated more with the performing arts, rather than athletic travails or the insurance industry, no?