What would happen if.... (5/30 edition)

...if someone were to try to market dairy products made from human milk? Forget goat cheese, Nichole! I think I'd be interested in at least seeing in a store, a line of blueberry yogurt or some sour cream.

When I was a kid, I used to eat American cheese with ketchup sandwiches. Really, it's not much different from a hamburger without the beef, is it? Anyways, that's a trip back to the 70's.....it's left my menu, the same way as the full combination of peanut butter / jelly / AND Fluff. At least with those, it was just too hard to apply the 3rd ingredient to either of the other 2.

If terrorists drove a small plane into the green monster at Fenway, would the Red Sox try to re-build it? Or would they petition the city to put a regular left field out there? And could they, with the space limitations?

What's a better episode of WKRP? The one with the turkeys being thrown from the plane at Thanksgiving? Or the one where Les reads the emergency procedures manual....replacing "communists" at every spot with "tornadoes"? The godless tornadoes!!!

If a town (like, say, Wilton, CT) doesn't want an interstate-esque highway to disrupt its rural character, can't the state legally close the state roads by erecting jersey barriers outside the city limits? You think Route 7 as a highway's bad? Try having NO route into town, ya upscale snots! Believe me, nobody's going to be getting off in Wilton, anyways....you ignore us, we'll ignore you on our way to Danbury or Norwalk, thank you very much.

I once found out the hard way that if you want to carve your daughter's name into a pumpkin at Halloween, names with full circles in them (like d) are a bit tough. An s is actually easier, despite all the twistiness.

What the heck are all the yellow flowers that took over the empty lot next door? It's freaky....you can't even see the green weeds anymore.

I wonder if amusement parks could install EZ-Pass type stuff onto their better rides....like you get what you pay for...6 trips on the roller coaster costs more than 2, and they give you a bill at the end of the day, based on a bracelet you wear all day with a sensor.

Is there anything better than a brewery tour that has a restaurant with it for when the tour's over? Like this place in Pennsylvania. Factor in that we had a cab ride all set up for heading back, and that's pretty darn good!

The good thing about the written section of the national spelling bee is that at least then, everyone's spelling the same words. I'm reminded of the old Far Side cartoon where someone gets "cat" and the next caveman's dreading getting stuck with "Australopithecus".

What would it take to start a new music television channel, to show videos and concerts 24 hours a day?

When I was like 10 or 11, ESPN came in over the air in my bedroom one afternoon. I had a small black and white TV, and there was the snowy feed of an auto race on channel 11. Now, 11 was the number on the cable for ESPN, but I definitely didn't have cable in my room. I grew up close enough to Bristol to pick it up over the air, but that doesn't make any sense, either.

Greg Oden, future #1 NBA pick, recently said he wanted to be a dentist when he was a kid. Combine that with his obvious misfittedness at being 7'1".....and I think we've found Hermey the Elf in his new life.